Ok – so my last post, I made a stink about a picnic basket. Yesth, I’m aware I can be quite the dramatic spinster but yanno – that’s me! I have quirks. HAHA! So, let me tell you what sort of victories I had today. Honestly, I woke up today and panicked a little after reviewing what today’s challenge was.
Day 2’s challenge is: DO AT LEAST ONE UNEXPECTED GESTURE TO YOUR SPOUSE AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS.
Ya’ll – I was struggling because, I’ve been with this man for 16 years and I felt like I’ve already done everything under the moon and sun for him. I don’t usually think about “how to be kind” or “what kindness is”… I just do it, even when I don’t even want to. I thought to myself, “Why in the hell am I fretting about what to do to show him kindness today?” (I’m always kind to that guy! — Ok, don’t mix that up with nice. LOL).
So let me rewind. Last night (Day 1’s post) – remember when I told you he wanted to go to his friend’s house? Well, he did go for a few hours and came back a bit hammered – too quick on the shots on an empty stomach. Fortunately, he is good friends with my youngest sister’s boyfriend who happened to be hanging last night with him too. So, he had a designated driver take him home. (AMEN FOR GOOD FRIENDS!). So, naturally, combined with old age, he woke up with a hangover. (Folks, getting hangovers while your getting old is NOT fun. AT. ALL.)
Back to what I was saying, this morning while working, I really was struggling to figure out what kind gesture I could make. I mean, I live with the guy and there’s no real separation of “his and hers” to do. We’ve always just been the kind of folks who just “do” without being asked and took care of each other. (You guys know that meme where the man usually cures the woman’s bad attitude with food – yes, that’s my husband. Haha!) So, knowing feeding him food and giving him medicine for his headache was not really a “grand” gesture, I was completely clueless. How does this even happen? And obviously, since I am writing this out now, there was some pressure to “perform” for my blog. But again, knowing how authentic I wanted to be about this, I cleared my head and stopped overthinking.
I had to reassess myself. This isn’t about the blog. This is about loving my husband and if I’m getting clouded by prioritizing the blog over why I’m even doing this in the first place – that would make me a loser and this whole thing is pointless and a sham. (WHOA, THE PRESSURE, AMIRIGHT?) So, I go back to square one and renew my heart on the context of kindness, and that kindness is about being considerate and showing it by actions.
What can I do to be kind today? I thought. Then it dawned on me; since he’s going to need some fuel to fight the hangover, what soups can I make or what does he enjoy usually and order in. Although I make a killer pho, today ain’t the day this mama had time and because knowing my husband, he’s already hungry before he even fully wakes up.
Suddenly, I remember our recent order in of soups a few weeks ago. He wanted wor wonton soup but the restaurant I ordered from was a disappointment.
Cue the lightbulb!!!! WOR WONTON SOUP! And from the restaurant he likes nearby. I place the order immediately as the restaurant’s online order opened. Shortly, I go and pick up – smiles and all.
From my journal (separate from my blog) – Part One:
Ok, so he actually got a couple nice gestures today. Since he was so hungover, our usual cure is pho but I opted for wor wonton soup instead. I put in an order first thing when the restaurant nearby opened. Perfect timing when I got home and prepped the soup bowl, he was walking out from our room.
So obviously, he ate and thanked me. 🙂 #browniepoints Also, said this soup was so much better than the last. Score!
He slept the rest of the afternoon and felt better in the early evening. We had to run some errands and since he was toted home, his truck was left at his friend’s house. We also had to add that to our list of “to-do’s” and make way to pick that up. When we finally got around to doing that, my car was low on gas and I asked to get some gas on the way home.
He followed me out to the gas station and as I was gathering my cash inside my own car, I see he got out of the truck where he was parked next to me. Naturally, I thought he was just coming around to keep me company while I pumped gas. He disappears from my sight as he walked behind my car but I was still too busy gathering myself to search for him. Once, getting my money situated, I pop open my driver door and take a step out. I see he’s made it back to my car. He looks at me and knocks on the gas door. I turn back inside my car to hit the button to open the gas door. I tell him to wait since I had to run inside and pay. But, to my surprise – HE PAID FOR MY TANK! That’s where he disappeared to! He reached over to grab the fuel nozzle and inserts it to start pumping. I shyly ask him what I owe, and of course, he refuses to charge me. I give him a hug and thank him.
How funny that today was a challenge of kind gestures that without him even realizing what I’m doing, he also did something for me. It was so effortless and it made me beam inside!
From my journal (separate from my blog) – Part Two:
After a long evening of running errands, I needed gas and he went ahead without my knowing and paid for a full tank. How awesome is that! We often forget how to be kind to our spouse.
I ran out of space in my journal, but my complete thought was this: We often forget how to be kind to our spouse. Maybe because we get comfortable and forget that being kind is part of our friendship with the other. We expect so much from our spouses that doing the gentle, kind thing is forgotten.
I mean, RIGHT?! I realize we each have our own rules in our relationships but….
What if we got rid of those imaginary rules and just let each other live according to what makes sense to us. Of course, I’m not implying polygamy, open relationships, etc. No, that stuff — we’ll get to another day. But the idea is to LOVE the other person and allow them the freedom to be who they are and not vex them for learning and growing just the same as us. We should afford each other that much slack in order to “make room” for mistakes and corrections.
Now, isn’t that such a deep thought? “Making room” for each other. That’s such a huge act of honoring your significant other and not boxing them into what your ideas of them should be.
Being KIND doesn’t stop at doing something.
I learned a rather elementary lesson today but it seriously impacted me to consider what my threshold for kindness is. I mean – do I even want to have a threshold?! A limit to how much I give? Because….. if my husband had a limit….that would royally suck! Like, “I’m being RATIONED kindness?! WTF?!”
This reminded me that we don’t have all the time in the world to ration or reserve ourselves for ourselves. It doesn’t make any sense. If it means more to serve others, then why do we hold so much back for ourselves? What is it that make us reluctant or fearful from expressing acts of goodness towards one another? Are we that easily offended that we keep our guards up?
I know people can be really hard to get along with but being kind has to start somewhere. Trust me – being with someone for 16 years is NOT a cake walk. But as I said before, we didn’t get here from mere “hopes”. It’s a lot of damn work. Not only on ourselves, but also in marriage or just generally building relationships. We have to encourage growth and nurture its evolution. But of course, we’ll never know if we don’t try.
Tomorrow is Day 3. For some reason, I feel excited about it. Knowing my husband acted in his own regard today for me, really makes me think I have to add a lot more to my gratitude list and pray over him everyday.
I hope you come back and see what continues on from this.
With high hopes – Mainhia. XOXO!
Just a friendly reminder: blogs will be posted at the end of the day to give room for the entire experience to manifest. No hard lines or restrictions but I will do my best to write on for the next 38 days. 🙂 – sign up for email when I post or find me on Instagram and Pinterest! ❤