In my last blog post (Part 1 of this), I mentioned a series of thing I learned from being off social media. It was a reawakening of simplicity and getting back to the basics with myself – as a human being. Just like a nutritional diet, I had to skim off things that were no longer providing me any positive results or value. The result of a one year endeavor of mental detoxing provided many beneficial outcomes.
One major topic I had to isolate here is the issue of comparison. It is a mind-rotting disease. And while there are so many ways to block out checking out your “neighbor’s” green-green-grass, the blinders have to come off sometimes in respect to what you have achieved. So let me put it this way, from a young age, we’re taught about the concept of “role models” – who we idolize or would like to be as successful as so we can imitate their behaviors to become as successful as them. But then as adults, we’re told NOT to compare or imitate because “everyone has a different journey”. What an ironic concept!
So do we compare or not?
If yes, how far do we go?
If no, how do you know you’ve gotten to where you wanted to be?
One of the more annoying topics that crosses my mind of comparison is about “Motherhood”. For example, if you feel overwhelmed about being a working/staying-at-home mom (sometimes, most times, all the times – I don’t care), there are memes like this:
…in effort to make joking but quite underhanded remarks about one situation over another. In so few words, is someone’s reality being highlighted and shamed with a touch of “don’t get offended” added. Side note: I was fortunate to live both journeys as a stay-at-home mom and working-mom. All I’m going to say is – WE AREN’T WINNING SH*T ON EITHER SIDE. Thanks for listening to my TEDx talk. So back to the program…
The stigma that stands with “motherhood” is “you’re not good enough if you’re NOT doing it all”; “doing it all” meaning you work a full-time job, still able to cook, clean, take care of the kids (and husband, if you have one) in all aspects, make time to be at home while simultaneously managing a social life, maintain a high standard of beauty, have a side hustle, have a prestigious title of occupation, are a decorated educational degree holder, own an immaculately Pinterest worthy home & car, perfect-straight-A president worthy kids, amazing (yet over-glorified) husband who just LOoOOOoOooOvES pampering you with prestigious brand name handbags or whatevaaa, slew of BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFs, Jesus-natured, are part of the PTA, have immeasurable energy to do all this, don’t complain, don’t get hungry, don’t have feelings and willingly puts yourself last…as tribute to the “cause”……..(of course, there’s more but let me move on…)
Do you see how exhausting that was to read?
So while I’m on this topic of motherhood – if you’re a person who can’t relate or is along the lines of rolling your eyes because you’re probably thinking “Well they signed up for it”. I’m going to tell you right now, don’t be a judge-y little douche-b. This is why mothers have a hard time sharing their problems and experience hardcore depression because “they signed up for it”, “that’s they’re problem”, etc… Trust us – we know. We know all of this and we fucking take that shit as much as we can until we can’t. Some of us break and some of us don’t. Be mindful that we are not you, and you are not us. You’re the kind of person that mothers still continue to love on, even when you least deserve it. Think about that! (Gosh, don’t know where this paragraph came from but I know this is for some little spook out there. And I’m glad I’m saying it!!!)
Mental health involving this kind of “comparison” aspect can really dig a giant hole into someone’s sense of wholeness/confidence. I felt it so much the time I just gave birth to my second child – my son, and gained 40 lbs. I went from 120 to 160lbs. Gained additional stretchmarks to my body, post-partum depression, decreased appetite, insomnia, stress/anxiety and physical pain, to name some. What I would tell myself when I scrolled through social media and saw the extra petite mum after birth was that I needed to get to THAT level. As if, she attained some God-like aura for sauntering an image half naked with literally NO post-baby bump. I unknowingly shamed myself because I didn’t “bounce back” like other mums who were so proud they were one week post partum and back to the gym already while I was 6 months and still “working on it”. Now mums who are able to bounce back – please know, I do not mean any disrespect. You’re encouraging others by sharing and I understand that you’re proud. You should be! For me, I felt like I was behind and feeling that way means having to find a way to keep up. And while my feelings on this has already subsided, everyone woman is going to have some kind of “feels” about this because we have our little deadly sins we don’t talk about (such as envy). It’s just the way we operate – we always think we have to be on to the next thing so we can stay relevant. Human nature is obnoxious like that. No other explanation.
After being off social media – I learned how comparison just kills the spirit. It really damages the sense of self-worth. The funny part? – we do it to ourselves! That is what you have to acknowledge in order to get rid of the feels of comparison. We don’t need to do it, AT ALLLLLLLLL. We don’t have to do jack-shit, honestly. It’s only when we set our minds on something (both negative and positive) are we then exuding the actions to manifest it. Weird, I know! But it’s not as hard as it seems. If we just simply remove it from our focus, the sensation of insecurity or whatever you’re feeling can dissipate. Consider it like taking a dump and flushing the toilet. Same concept. (LOL!)
So while you think you need social media to keep up with your extended family – you don’t. Keep up with your friends – you don’t. Keep up with the news – you don’t. Keep up with the Jones’ – you don’t.
There are SO many other alternatives that you can schedule in for those things. Your creativity will spur once you eliminate the desire to be (falsely) connected via social media. You will open pockets of time and opportunities for reconnection in so many different ways you had forgotten about. Simplify and dispose of the mental clutter. Breathe in the refreshing sense of peace.
Reset yourself into reality – that is the real purpose of living.
— FROM ME —
Thanks for reading! Find me on my IG & pinterest handles at @shesgoodcompany or E-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. XOXO!!!