Thanks to the information overload the internet provides us, we now have a tangled web of logical fallacies. So many ideas and thoughts you see start looking alike and sounding like great advice and for some odd reason, beckons a call to action. We become inspired to do something even though it’s not even a realistic thing to do in our real, everyday life. This means, what we see and hear appear as reasonable ideas, things to do or believe because it sounds near the truth but are actually missing elements of the truth. We are lead to believe we are super humans – saving lives, reversing natural disasters and still finishing laundry at the end of the day.
Anyone else feel exhausted? I do!
My point of this is simple, you have to know your false self. The person who you imagine yourself to be but in reality would not impose the same actions or behaviors as your false self in real life. I mean, false Mainhia wants to have a cocktail, dressed to the nines in Florida at 5pm everyday. But real Mainhia has a job and family so a trip to Florida everyday doesn’t come cheap or ethically possible (or unnoticed – TSA would probably bar me from travel. LOL.)
Our false self gives us a lot of empowerment to do and achieve unrealistic expectations. Insert a “get rich quick” scheme here. It’s a toxic motivational outlook to over amplify a positive sense of self, so much so, that we act in subtle impulses to satisfy that urge. (For example, “I work hard for my money so I’m going to do whatever I want with it and no one can tell me otherwise.”) Our false self can really get us into trouble. Now, not saying it’s all bad, I’m just pointing out that we should be cautious of running away with our imagination and/or engaging in behaviors that are completely incompatible with our true self.
In elementary school, I was taught the Venn diagram. You draw two circles that overlap each other, where the overlap creates a pocket for you to list out commonalities of two different subjects. In the spaces where the circles don’t overlap is where you would list differences. I recall a project I did as a kid where we would pair up with a buddy and list out differences and similarities of our cultures. It was a means to connect the dots that not all things are so completely different as they seemed. However, in the same token to appreciate the differences as well.
Now take this concept and detail the two versions of yourself. One who is today’s reality and the other who is not entirely consistent with your true self’s values. By doing so, I hope you are able to reveal to yourself the “why’s” of your false self – especially that of how or why this identity was created in the first place.
We see so many things online, essentially information overload about getting our shit together, that by a certain age you need to have retirement all figured out or some type of fucking random ass life advice. (<– That’s real Mainhia right there. LOL!) It’s freaking exhausting.
Now slowly, I have been removing false Mainhia little by little. My reason is quite simple, I am done with misaligning my principles and actions. It’s like buying the pair of shoes you don’t need for a party you’ll never be invited to *queue the Grammy’s*. It is that thought process to eliminate self-destructive tendencies so that I can focus on the improving myself. Think of it as spring cleaning my headspace. By knowing my false self, I can easily avoid incompatible activities that hinder my growth.
Confession: I had a perfectionist mindset as a kid. I did not know it at the time. I only knew I had to give my best at all times and make sure I had zero mistakes when I did something. I saw how teachers treated kids who “didn’t get it right”, and it invoked a fear of appearing “stupid”. Growing into my teen years, I was finding it harder to keep things in order because they had to be done a certain way. I wouldn’t let anyone borrow pens or pencils from me at one point because, let’s be honest, if you’re unable to be responsible for ONE pencil for the work you know you’re going to do in class, what makes you think you’re going to keep track of mine? (Especially when my dad had to wait for his next paycheck to buy it for me. See? Kind of weird for a kid to think too logically like this too soon…well, I think it’s weird anyway.) I took a hard look at other people’s mistakes and tried hard to learn from them. I tried to hide my weaknesses because I saw how people were made fun of for it. I don’t think I would say “fearful”, per say, because I don’t remember being threatened in any sense, but there was a part of me that really shied away from exposing my flaws. No one accepts “ugly” or your “bad” sides. But all I was building with all that was an imagery of what the best adults were – perfect. As you can see, I have made peace with the negativity. I have acknowledged it and I am moving on from it, destroying every piece of that false self as I go. (Feeling like Daenery from fire ya’ll. Ok, Ok, nixing that too. LOL).
Get to know your false self. It may be time for you to acknowledge that identity and let it go too.
—— All the best. XOXO Friends.
DISCLAIMER: This was by far the hardest one to write for me. I really had to dig so deep and simplify some ideas in effort to not lose you in my train of thought, hence the delayed post. I offer you my thoughts as a means to discovering your deeper self and hope that by doing so, you can start simplifying areas of your life that just seem to take up too much headspace. Obviously, the Konmari method does not only mean clearing things in the physical world. Not everyone will arrive to the exact conclusion I have but I encourage your self-exploration. Enjoy the read, leave a comment. Let’s have a dialogue.