Opening up a blog was one way I knew I could find a safe haven that met all of my quirks and personality criterium. So let me tell you how much time it took to “take the leap” —-
You see, I had to dive really deep in everything I was made of up and my life history. I had to learn how to appreciate the past, present and future which shaped me. I have let things of my past bar me from expanding my horizons. I dealt with a lot of self-doubt. I mean, I still do as a symptom of years of negative self-talk but here’s the good part: I know now how to turn it off.
So “what had happened was”, I became tired of fighting myself. How was it that I could not give myself the peace that I so craved? It was too simple: because I was not in tune with who I was and am. Can you imagine that? You function as “yourself”; mind, body and spirit in a singular functioning unit but can still sense being out of place.
Fortunately, over some years, I finally realized that my problem was who I was (currently) did not match who I wanted to be. Seems trivial but how many of us can say we knew from an early age, exactly what we were meant to do or be in this world? I tend to think that not many of us ever knew from the get-go.
I read a quote so long ago which said that if you ever come across two things and had a difficult time choosing between them, that you should flip a coin because only when the coin is in the air would you be able to know what your heart actually wants. (Pretty Harvey “Two-Faced” Dent of me huh?! LOL.)
My mind was blown.
Truly, we are gifted with so many opportunities that we seldom know how to respond properly. And that was a thought I started applying in real time.
After doing the coin flip for a series of events/decision making, I found a rather odd connection I was not looking for. When I made decisions in those few seconds, I asked myself “why” every time, and then when I would answer, I would follow it up with another “why”, going and going until I unveiled the truth of that decision.
Confession: If there was a social gathering I was invited to and had a conflict of interest, I’d flip a coin. Heads meant go, tails meant no. I cannot tell you how many times my consciousness of this would holler out in my head, “GO!” “Nooooooo!”, right before the coin landed. And I cannot tell you how thankful I am when I hear about events I didn’t attend that ended up having drama attached. Or oppositely, how grateful I went because I made new friends to an event though it was completely unintended.
What I unearthed every time was an irrefutable principle that I did not even realize I had. I began writing them down and marinating on these values. As you may have guessed, HONESTY, is one of my principles. It’s really the only way people can connect in peace. Their walls are down. They are unguarded. But flipping that thought onto myself, honesty was what helped me peel away the garbage layers of my defense/protective mechanisms that really helped preserve nothing but lies about myself. People have hurt me and I’m sure I’ve hurt others and so the vicious cycle of pain would keep turning. I was shielding and I needed that to end.
One value I did not realize I had was MONEY. So here, I have to explain, I’m not and did not come from a wealthy background. (Like, what’s a trust fund?! LOL.) I actually detested wealthy people and money for almost two decades of my life. I felt money brought out the “ugliness” of people. (There’s still truth to it but I digress.) I, at one point, truly hated my name because it means “money”. However, as I went through a series of changes within the last 5 years, I am different about money now because I understand it. Really, it was that simple. (And ya’ll, I’m an over-thinker so to conclude so simply was a journey.)
I started aligning these values with my actions. This helped me stay consistent and slowly built up a clearer picture of who I actually wanted to be instead of who I thought I wanted to be. Having the honest habit of knowing yourself will provide you that inner peace and decision making becomes so much easier. That is one reason why creating this blog has been easier to handle now that I know, it’s all good.
If you are looking for some tips, here are a couple things I did that helped me tremendously (besides flipping a coin):
1) Looking up a bible verse that related to my issue, then look up a sermon on YouTube related to it. (I watch sermons online, live and attend church – consistency here. LOL.) Then incorporating the wisdom I received into my issue.
2) Not THINK or WASTE energy on the issue for 24 hours (or up to 72 hours if it was THAT difficult.) Yes, I purposely delayed my response(s) to things/situations so my emotions could subside and my logical reasoning kick in. I value and believe in KARMA, so I try my best to discipline my mouth, thoughts, actions and reactions. I’m not trying to plant those bad karma seeds.
3) Just say “NO”. You do not have to invite and entertain anything and everything that comes into your life. I also value my TIME, so no, if it already walk, talk, balks like a bad idea or you don’t feel and total 100% about something, just say noooooooooooooo. Do NOT be afraid to exercise this word.
If you ever want a neutral opinion, you can always email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Sometimes, we just need an anonymous and unbiased outlook to help us. However, more power to you if you handle your issues in the confidence of God and yourself. There is no one better to help in the “troubles” arena than the God who created peace.
Be blessed my friends and know that you have an innate gift worth unwrapping. Get to know yourself and enjoy the process.
XOXO Friends! Have a beautiful Saturday.